Birkat HoGomel—the Jewish Prayer of Gratitude

This past Saturday, I attended Shabbat Services as I frequently do.  I was asked to accept an Aliyah (being called up to the Torah to recite a blessing over a Torah reading).  I accepted of course, but decided to take it a step further.  I asked the rabbi if I could recite Birkat HaGomel.

Birkat HaGomel is the Jewish prayer of gratitude.  Here is the translation:  Blessed are You, O God, ruling spirit of the universe, who rewards the undeserving with goodness, and who has rewarded me with goodness.

Birkat HaGomel is recited by people who a survived a traumatic or life-threatening experience.  According to the Talmud, there are 4 situations where one should recite this blessing: 1) upon crossing the ocean (overseas travelers will often recite it upon returning home); 2) upon crossing the desert; 3) upon recovering from a serious illness (including childbirth); and 4) upon being released from prison.  The prayer allows the person to express their gratitude and thanks to God for saving them from danger.

The rabbi asked me a few weeks ago if I would recite it, and I declined at the time.  I didn’t want to say it until I really felt completely recovered.  It’s been a long journey and in my mind reciting this prayer would mark the end of my recovery of my first stage of surgery.  I wanted to be sure I was ready.  When I was asked to accept the Aliyah on Saturday, I instinctively knew that I was ready.  I whispered my desire to the rabbi and of course she was delighted.

Upon my reciting the blessing, the rabbi observed that reaching this milestone during Hanukkah was especially meaningful.  Hanukkah means Rededication.  I was rededicating myself to life, and returning completely healed to my community.  I received many hugs and “welcome backs” from the congregation.  I felt whole.  I also wanted to recite it now because with Evan’s first Yahrzeit (anniversary of his death according to the Jewish calendar) rapidly approaching, I also used it to mark, in my mind, my return to not thinking of myself in terms of a widow who has suffered a traumatic loss.  This does not mean I am “over” or “moving on” from Evan’s death; but rather this moment marks a beginning to accept that this grief will always be a part of me and I need to learn to accept and live with it.

Which brings me to the last reason why I decided that now was the time to recite Birkat HaGomel—because my last wound has finally closed!  After 4.5 months, I no longer need to clean, dress, and bandage any wounds.  I no longer need to see my plastic surgeon or a nurse every few weeks.  I no longer need a visiting nurse to monitor my progress. I can get on with the process of rebuilding my life.

So what’s next?  As I mentioned previously, I have more surgeries ahead of me.  They will be cosmetic, outpatient treatments and will include procedures such as scar revision, liposuction, breast lift, and refining and balancing the breast size and shape.  My plastic surgeon wants to wait a minimum of six months before beginning these revisions (probably two separate procedures will be needed because of all the healing complications, scarring, etc) so it won’t happen until next summer at the earliest.  Until then, I am cleared for all activities.

Therefore, this will be the last blog for several months.  I’m looking forward to rededicating myself to emotional healing, spiritual reconnection, physical rejuvenation, caring for my children, parents, and pets, and figuring out what I want my future to look like.  I’m hoping to get some skiing in, do some traveling, clean out my house a bit, and especially, put 2023 in the rearview mirror.  This has been a year of hell from start to finish, marked by loss, sadness, and pain that no one should have to experience all at once. I hope that when I flip the calendar page to 2024 it will really represent a new beginning for me. 

Thank you for taking this journey with me. I’ll start updates again when there is something to share. Meanwhile you all know where to find me.

Wishing everyone a happy holiday season and happy and healthy 2024.